Confident Beginnings

When people have found out that I co-sleep with my son, I usually don’t get too much feedback. However one person said something to me that just irked me a bit. “We don’t co-sleep with our baby because my partner and I value our intimacy”. Excuse me? I can assure you that intimacy is a pretty big deal in my marriage too, thanks.

Do people really think that if you co-sleep then that means giving up on sex? I feel like this is a subject that’s not brought up enough. We talk about bed sharing and its benefits for breastfeeding and of course all of the safety issues, but where is the handbook on sex if you bed share? I haven’t seen it.

For a little background information, we have a 10 year old daughter, who does sleep in our room on weekends and a 1 ½ year old son who kindly lets us use some of our bed every night.  Bed sharing is a big deal to me for many reasons; one being that I can remember feeling so sad and lonely in my own bed when I was young. I used to beg to stay in my mom’s room, but usually got denied. I know most mammals like to sleep together, so why would my little mammals be any different?  Plus, I really like having my family with me when I sleep, I actually feel safer that way.

I’ve had a few moms work up the nerve to ask me when and where my husband and I have sex if the baby is always in bed with us. To that my answer is: the bed isn’t the only place to make love.

The other issue is worry that baby might fall out of bed if you aren’t right there. Our little guy is a mover, he moves all over the bed whether we are in it or not, but we have learned to build a little fortress of pillows around him and on the floor, if he ever made it that far (so far he hasn’t).  We always try to stay where we can see him or at least where we can hear him. I know some people use a baby monitor to listen for their child, so they can be in a different room.

I think babies give you no other choice, but to be creative with your sex life (do I sound totally crazy?). What I mean is that since the bed is usually taken, my husband and I have been quite creative and have had a lot of fun picking out places to be intimate. It also forces spontaneity to a certain degree; I know that if my son goes down for a nap and my husband is home, I like to use that time to show him a little love. Babies also teach patience, this is with or without bed sharing though. I know I have to wait until I get my son down to sleep before I can go ravage my husband’s body, like it or not

Bed sharing and just having children in general has only helped our sex life. We appreciate even those 5 minutes we can get alone together and we have fun with the places we find ourselves. Sure, sometimes I don’t want to be touched, because I’m tired or my breast has been in my toddler’s mouth all day, but it’s all about perspective. I love the roles that I hold, mother, wife, lover; I wouldn’t change a thing.