category: Blog
I have been horrible at writing lately, for that I apologize. But, really, I’ve been horrible at doing much of anything. Since I found out I was pregnant, I came down with the flu, which kept me down in a horrible way. Now I am completely void of energy and I get violently sick often.
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With each of my pregnancies, I have little issues, but doesn’t everyone? However this pregnancy has been the hardest for me, even though my physical ailments are not really that significant. Perhaps it’s because I have 2 other kids to look after, perhaps it’s because I’m also breastfeeding (which is draining my calories too), or maybe it’s because I’m trying to run a business and be a good wife. I really don’t know the reason, but I am falling into a pretty deep depression already.
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I can’t get myself up to do anything really. I lack the motivation to do even basic tasks, but hate myself for sitting there and doing nothing. I feel like a failure as a wife and mother, not to mention how much I’ve failed our business so far. At times I just break down and cry. I try to make sure I am alone, but sometimes I just can’t help it and the kids see.
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I’m not saying any of this for sympathy, I know women who have had it so much worse than I do. I’m just hoping that getting it out will be therapeutic. I want to play and be happy with my family, I want to work (I really really do), I want to meditate and do yoga. But, how do I get to the point where I can do that again? What’s the big secret? Is it just getting out of the 1st trimester?
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I’m trying to study to become a Bach Flower Practitioner, which I know can help me so incredibly much, however, as you can imagine, getting myself to study is almost impossible right now. I can use the remedies still, even though Im not a practitioner yet, I just have to get my lazy butt to the store to buy some.
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I’ve never dealt with depression in pregnancy; this is usually a time when I have no problem being happy and excited. Even through the crap I’ve been through with other pregnancies (liver issues, etc.) I’ve always been able to see the silver lining. What’s different this time? I want this little baby to be healthy and I want to be healthy finally.
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If you read this, just please send healthy vibes my way, pretty please. Thanks in advance!
