category: Blog
When I am pregnant, like many women, I can’t wait for the moment I feel the baby kick. To me it makes it all so much more “real”. I know, the lack of a period and my growing belly should be enough, but it’s me I’m talking about…and that’s just not enough. With Ella, I felt her around 16 weeks and with Apollo I felt him at 13 weeks. I forget when I felt the twins, but it was early, I’m sure because there were two, it was a little easier to feel them. With this little one growing inside of me right now I am feeling nothing…well, that’s not true, I *think* I’ve felt tiny movements a couple times, but that could just be chalked up to me wanting to feel it so much.
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I am just past the 16 week mark and I’m getting frustrated because I would think I would feel this baby so much earlier than the others (or at least at the same time) since this is my 4th pregnancy! But, this pregnancy has been one HUGE lesson after the other so I have to step back and look at what my lesson is here. I really think it is to learn patience, but more importantly to just trust. Trust that my baby is ok and trust that my body is working beautifully to carry and nurture this baby. I have to learn to trust before I get to enjoy that gentle reassurance of a kick in my belly.
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So, I am trying. As with everything lately, I am just trying. Sometimes I am very successful, other times I am talking to my little one, asking it to kick or punch me hard (words that I am sure I will regret later on!). I know that logically there is an explanation, which is probably that I have an anterior placenta that keeps me from feeling these little movements so easily. But when do I use logic?!?
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I know I will feel my little miracle soon, it’s just a matter of time. In the mean time I am working at being at peace with where we are in this process together: baby is growing bigger and stronger physically and momma is growing bigger and stronger spiritually and emotionally every day.
