category: Blog
Today I was sick. Like, I-can’t-get-out-of-bed sick. But, that’s not what worried me. As I laid there in my bed, literally unable to get out without getting violently sick, I got scared. Of what?? “Re-lapsing”.
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As Steve was being excellent taking care of me and I heard Apollo laughing and playing downstairs, I thought about how I was just a couple of months ago: that lethargic, unmotivated, removed slug of a person that forgot how to live. I literally starting rolling around in bed and cried, like a child, because I didn’t want to go back to that place.
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I tried to force myself out of bed, so I could try to work or do something constructive and I got sick. So, I decided to cry some more, because that helps sometimes. During my crying episode I had a little spark of light come to me. I have control. Whew…that doesn’t sound like much, but it is. I HAVE CONTROL.
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I have control of whether or not I become lifeless again. I am not a victim of an illness. I am in control. This is huge! So, I decided to make the trek downstairs and I rested there. Whats the difference? I allowed myself to rest, yet interact with my family. That felt good. I didn’t sit there and feel sorry for myself, or try to get pity from my husband. I knew I would be ok, I was just sick, and it would pass.
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So, as I started feeling better…I got excited. I was excited that I made it through without letting my darkness consume me-like I have easily done in the past. I got excited that I can probably workout tomorrow, that I can work, and that I can play.
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Today was a big day for me.
