story added September 16th, 2011
I am not shy about the fact that I was looking for a specific kind of experience with the birth of our child. That is not to say that I had all of the details mapped out, in fact the only birth plan I had was “To birth my baby at home as long as it’s possible.” Also I made a request that no one utter the words “Are you sure?” Doubt has been an active participant in my life. I had more than enough doubt on the inside, I certainly didn’t need anyone outside of me adding to it.
The specific experience I was seeking was one of empowerment and for this reason I required our birth team to wear bright yellow warrior headbands until baby was born. I was seeking a period of time where my mind, body and spirit worked together towards something I truly wanted for myself, to become a mother. I envisioned, but was not always sure, that birthing my baby could give this to me.
I began working with Ellen and Christina, the midwives of WombService Midwifery at 13 weeks gestation and was able to build a great relationship with them. Their care helped me build a good relationship to my pregnant body and to our unborn baby, that I believe was the basis for the success of our home birth. If you are in search of midwifery care they come highly recommended.
Here’s the story…
It was merely my due date but already I was feeling impatient. I had been told that the baby could come as early as 37 weeks and now I was at week 40…and I was there with my impatient nose pressed against the glass window of the womb store, chanting “open open open.” In an effort to “let go” I had set an altar to the baby and lit a 7 day candle to Yemaya. The flicker of the flame helped to remind me that things were under control and I was not the one in charge.
In an added effort to let go, my love and I took the dog to the beach, then we ran amuck in Target, playing with the toys and generally being a menace. Giggling wildly, we got many a sideways glance from the new parents shopping with sleeping infants. Then, with our practical purchases of razors, toothbrushes and a squeaky squirrel shaped dog toy we headed to the grocery store. It was there that I began to realize that it felt like I was wetting my pants very slowly.
A call to Ellen brought us to the conclusion that my water was leaking and I was instructed to take ecinacea and vitamin C, eat a good meal and later a snack, sleep as soundly as I could and refrain from having sex. I was also given strict instructions not to do anything to bring on contractions. Most likely labor would start in the morning so it was best to be well rested and fueled for the journey ahead.
We begrudingly traded our planned pepperoni pizza dinner for a more sensible rice and kale dish. By the time I got home, I found blood when I wiped and so it seemed our baby was truly on its way.
At 4 am-ish I woke with a contraction that felt a lot like menstrual cramps. Thinking they were supposed to hurt much more, I doubted that I was really in labor. At 6:30 am I had another. Not wanting to watch a boiling pot into stopping…I got up and showered and went about my day. At some point I called Ellen and she advised me against timing the contractions too closely. We were instead to keep ourselves busy. If I felt the urge to time them, then she suggested I do so for 5 or 6 of them, but not to get obsessed with it.
By rough estimate, I was having 2 or 3 contractions an hour (but I was still not convinced I was in labor)…so we went to The Goodwill to find a bowl for the placenta. While shopping, I had to stop what I was doing and focus on the sensation of each contraction. Perhaps I was really in labor?
Then we got some Mexican food…which I had been told by our birth attendant not to have since I would probably throw it up later. Mexican food might be good going down, but it’s never as good coming back up.
At home we passed the time by playing cards, eating Miso Soup and intermittently timing contractions. Now there were about 8 minutes apart and 50 secs long. Each one requiring me to stop and breath, though they weren’t too intense. My love was amazingly supportive but as a man I doubted he knew what to do and when, so we called my midwife and she suggested we call Karlon, our birth attendant, and tell her it was time to come. Doubt (that bitch) kept telling me that birth wasn’t really happening and I was afraid of crying wolf. But I called her anyway and she dropped what she was doing and was at our house within an hour.
Karlon arrived at 7pm and once she was there I was able to relax and know that we had good supervision. She is a woman who has given birth naturally and believes in home births and so I could let go. I trusted her to know what might be going on. At this point the contractions began to feel heavy in my back. After a couple of hours they were closer together. Karlon suggested that we call the midwives to come.
Not long after 9pm the ladies showed up. Ellen determined that my waters had not actually been leaking and therefore I could get into the birth tub. What a relief.
At this point my love brought in a cactus whose budding flower he had been closely tracking since June (it was now Septembet). These cactuses flower for only one night and as it turned out, the flower was open. He brought it in to show me and put it on the baby’s alter. It was such a beautiful symbol of the balance between the masculine and the feminine, with the tall phallic cactus with a huge white soft flower hanging off of it. The smell was intoxicating and the sychronicity of the event was amazing. The flower opened to show me the way.
With the all parties in attendance and my laboring body in the birthing tub, I left. I entered what they call labor land, because from this point on, the linear nature of the story stops. The rest is written loosely in a way to mimic how I experienced it…I had many more contractions than the ones I document here,…
Contraction: Horse lips, moaning, birth tub, Karlon massaging my hips together during to relieve my back pain
Break: Remembering what Jessica taught during Thai Goddess Pose in Prenatal Yoga* Once a contraction is over…let it go.
Contraction: Breathe 2 3 4, breathe 2 3 4. Okay. I can do this.
Break: DOUBT says “But what if you can’t?” I say “No we can!!”
I need water. Water provided
“I feel like I am going to vomit, but I am not a vomitter…I usually have to make myself vomit”
Labor on the Toilet
Contraction: “Okay I going to vomit, I need the bucket” The bucket is disgusting…it’s from the garden and has dirt caked in the bottom…”I can’t use this bucket” I vomited on the bathroom rug instead. 4 times…there goes the miso soup.
Okay I feel better.
Contraction: Rocking on my hands and knees. Or Draped over the ball while it was on the bed and I am standing. Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving through the contractions. We won’t get stuck.
Okay contraction….
I want to be checked. I was 3 cm…but my cervix was soft and can be opened to 6 cm or so. This hurts like a motherfucking bitch.
Okay back to laboring…On the toilet…then I vomit again…now in the bed. Coconut water. Peeing, Needing to poo…blood on the tissue every time I wipe.
Doubt “YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO DO THIS. “ THIS IS TAKING TOO LONG. EVERYONE THINKS SO. YOU ARE FAILING” But I keep on moving through it…
Contraction
Shove doubt aside. Muttering “thank you thankyou thank you.” “I do this with ease” “My body and my baby work together to create harmonious birth.” “My body is healthy” “My pelvis is open” Mutter anything to get through the contractions.
Next contraction I am crying…I can’t do this. “How long will this take?” I ask. “As long as it takes” says Ellen.
Someone suggests I lay on my side and try to sleep between contractions, to my surprise, I am able to. I pass out for however long…a minute… and then wake to a contraction and moan or mutter and then go back to resting. Back and forth this way, contraction, sleep, contraction, sleep.
I do the same thing as I straddle the toilet backwards with a pillow on the back of the tank. This was by far the most comfortable position I was in the whole time.
Doubt again says “no way no way no way. You can’t do this.” I brush him aside again and keep moving forward. I imagine that I am failing that I have to go to hospital. I think I cannot do this. I think about getting in the car…I have hated riding in the car this whole pregnancy. The idea of putting myself in the car does not compute. Sorry Doubt get out.
I move on.
I get angry, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to give up. I have had enough. My back hurts. My body hurts…someone else should do this.
I want to be checked again…I have not opened any more. I am discouraged. I say so. I get back in the tub. I cry. I can’t do this. My doubt is right and convinces me I need to go to the hospital. I say this out loud. Karlon says “Vicki, if go to the hospital, you still have to have the baby.”
Now I imagine the flouresent lights of the hallway of the hospital. I realize I can go if I want to. I don’t want to. I like the dimly lit room, and the smell of the cactus flowe. I don’t want to leave. I want my baby. Right! Okay then, back to the laboring.
Now I mutter through contractions “Oh baby.” “I want my baby” “My baby knows what to do”
I vomit more, I cry more. I moan more. I sleep more. The night is passing, I must be taking too long. I am angry. Then I am calm.
She checks me again. 9 and a half centimeters. I can start pushing. I reach up inside and feel a bubble that is the bag of waters. Now I concentrate on trying to push the baby though and break the bag. 2 hours go by, our back-up midwife shows up…bright eyed. Day is coming. This is taking too long. I must be failing. I get back in the tub.
I began to feel my momma. I miss my momma. I realize maybe I judged her too harshly and now that she is dead I won’t be able to be forgiven and I won’t get to be a good momma because it was so hard with her and I think maybe my baby won’t come because of this and I start to cry and for a moment I feel stuck. I spoke this confusion out loud and I opened my eyes and everyone was sitting around me holding vigil. Not saying anything. There is no more music playing. Just three strong women and my man and no one feels sorry for me and no one is going anywhere. They all believe I can do this even with all the doubt and they are all in it for the long haul. The water feels cold. I get out.
I want to go outside. We go outside. Contraction…I squat and pee on the ground. I ask the midwives to break my water, she says “Why? So that we can speed it up?” I think “um Obivously.”
Some time passes, my contractions slow to a crawl. I can’t break through the bag. The baby is not moving. I am not having any more contractions. Ellen says they can break the water.
“Will it will hurt more?” Christina says the contractions will get more intense and then asks “Are you ready to meet you baby?” I am. They break my waters….a gush, a release. Pressure has eased and now…a new kind of pressure. Now I feel like I can move the baby down.
I squat and push and grunt. The ladies say “It’s like taking a crap” Um yeah. “Use all your energy to push down” “Don’t make noise” “use that energy” “Good” You are doing it”
I am squatting so low with each contration that Ellen fears the baby will hit the ground, she wants me to move. It is at this point that I can connect with our child and I get determined and tell my body we have only 5 contractions left. This baby is coming out. There is no time to adjust to a new position…I decide to half squat. Hanging on to the edge of the bed, I get 3 good pushes out of every contraction. And the baby is at the opening. They put a mirror under me. “Do you want to see his head?” NO. I don’t want to see it, I want to be done now, I want to have this baby.
With eash push, I can feel the head come to the edge of me, opening me and when the contraction passes I feel it go back in. Later I am told this is good, so that I do not tear. I do not want to tear. Everytime I push my hips open just a little more. There is no pain at this point. It is only sensation and sheer determination. One more contraction…somehow I know this is the last one…no more after this. I get my three good pushes, baby is not out, the contraction has past, but I am not taking this baby back into my body. I push once more without a contraction but with all my might and the head is out, the body is out, the baby is in our arms and I am sitting on the edge of the bed. My man is all teary faced and crying. The baby is screaming. All the ladies are making sounds of joy and encouragement and love. I look and see that the baby is a boy. I knew it.
And the whole time the doubt was present, like a pesky neighbor sticking his nose our business, wanting us to do the whole thing differently. Nothing would have made birth easier. I have heard of women who have orgasms at birth. I have no idea how that is possible. The idea that birth can be blissful must come from some kind of labor amnesia. I look back now and I am proud of what we did. That we kept sweeping that doubt away and that I kept myself focused on the release and empowerment I was seeking.
And my baby. I am so proud of my baby.
story added June 28th, 2011
When I found out I was pregnant I didn’t have a plan as to how or where I was going to deliver my baby, but I figured it would be similar to most other births I had heard about or seen. It would be in a hospital, I may use pain relief of some sort, and it would probably be a stressful experience. That’s what labor and birth looks like on TV, right?
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A few weeks into my pregnancy I spoke with my Mom about her birth experience and she told me that she delivered naturally and did not have an epidural. I was blown away. Women still had babies naturally and some even went as far as to not use medication to numb the pain? Well, I decided that I could do that too.I just had to find the right environment and the right people to nurture my birth experience and get myself mentally and physically prepared.
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I struggled for 3 months to find the perfect OB, which never happened for me. I struggled for 3 more months to find the perfect hospital midwife, which never happened either. Meanwhile I was researching all of the options women had for childbirth and I discovered that some women labor and deliver at home. (Gasp!) At home?! I could have a birth experience that didn’t require me to ever leave my house? It sounded calm, and gentle and absolutely delightful! I told my doula that I was interested in exploring homebirth and she scheduled an appointment with homebirth midwives with whom she worked. Our first appointment was love at first sight for me!
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After my husband, Ben, became comfortable with the idea of homebirth we signed on with our fantastic midwives. I was doing prenatal yoga at this point and had also discovered HypnoBirthing. Not only was I confident that I had made the right choice in regards to where I wanted to have my birth, but I was sure that I was making the right choices in preparing myself mentally and physically for the big event. So when the time finally came on Monday May 9th I felt beyond ready.
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I knew the real thing was happening when I started having surges that felt like none I had experienced before. The pressure was more intense and there was a tension that hadn’t been there with previous surges. Luckily Ben stayed home from work and we were able to relax and watch movies all day. During surges, while watching the latest Harry Potter film, I would focus all of my energy into utilizing the breathing techniques I had learned in our HypnoBirthing class. As the night went on and my surges intensified I sat on my yoga ball, moving slowly back and forth and from side to side, walked around the house, and started using some vocal toning.
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When active labor started and my doula arrived I created a little comfort zone for myself in the living room. Ben put on my HypnoBirthing Affirmations track and I laid on the couch, breathing into each surge while staring at the birth art I had made to use as focal points. When I felt I needed to change positions I moved to my yoga mat. I did Cat-Cow and vocal toning during each surge and would rest in Child’s Pose.I really did feel like a birth warrior – just like my prenatal yoga instructor told me I would. My next move was to switch between rocking on the birth ball and “slow dancing” with my husband, while my doula massaged by back. I think I used every technique we had practiced in our HypnoBirthing class, plus more when I needed something different. I also used vocal toning for almost every surge over the next 12 hours. I had almost lost my voice by the end, but vocalizing helped me to send the vibrations and the breath down to my cervix. It made me feel strong and centered.
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After laboring in almost every room of my house for 9 hours my water finally broke. I had fallen asleep sitting backwards on the toilet, with my husband asleep against the wall behind me, his hands massaging my shoulders. (I’m not sure how he was able to continue massaging while snoozing, but I’m so thankful he did!) I ran out of the bathroom yelling, “My water broke! My water broke!” My midwife settled me down and told me we still had time and I needed to really focus my energy now because the cushion was gone and the pressure was about to increase…and increase it did, but I was ready.
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At this point I was able to sleep between surges, so I took little naps between almost every one. I remember waking up for a surge, looking back at the window as I lay on the bed and realizing that it was light out. I had made it through the night! I ended up in what most refer to as the “pushing phase” for almost 3 hours. I was able to breathe down for the first hour, but after that my body was depleted of energy and was telling me I needed to push. My midwives told me to listen to what my body was saying. My little baby’s hands were up by his head and all I could do was wait patiently for him to move them so we could get things moving along.
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After encouragement from my midwife, doula and my husband I gathered all the energy I had left to get up, get something to eat, and change positions to deliver our baby. The midwives were cooking breakfast – I could smell something on the stove and coffee brewing – and someone made me scrambled eggs. I choked down eggs, strawberries, spoonfuls of honey, yogurt and string cheese. It worked in almost instantly to boost my energy.
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I moved into the birth tub, took a squatting position, and started to feel my baby moving down with each surge. What an amazing sensation to reach down and feel my baby’s head. He was going to be with us any minute! Although that feeling gave me the energy to get him out, it was taking every last bit of my energy so I needed my husband to help me stay up. He jumped in the tub, sat behind me and held me up. I could feel a burning sensation and my midwife reminded me not to push, but to focus on her and maintain my breathing. The burning stopped almost immediately when I simply used my breath. I leaned back into my husband, gave one last push and our little man finally arrived. I could hear my husband laughing and sobbing behind me as we held the most beautiful baby boy we had ever seen. We had both been birth warriors that night, helping each other to welcome our sweet boy to the world.
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William Roman Yaeger joined us on May 10th, at 9:48AM, weighing 6 lbs. 9 ounces and measuring 19 inches long. He was healthy and perfect in every way!
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We have to thank our compassionate midwives, our strong doula, our knowledgeable HypnoBirthing instructors, and my amazing prenatal yoga instructor for helping us to have the calm and gentle birth experience we imagined. Not only was it an incredibly empowering experience for me as a women transitioning into motherhood, but our family bond is now stronger than ever! We are forever grateful.
story added June 24th, 2011
Wow- where to begin? I gave birth to my first baby at home in our bed which was absolutely perfect. I totally believe that pregnancy is a natural state and not something pathological which requires medical management and I believe that as women we instinctively can birth our babies just like every other female animal on the planet and that we need very little intervention. My midwife had the exact same philosophy as me and was there throughout the pregnancy and birth as a wonderful resource, an educator, a friend, a counselor and basically whatever I needed her to be- but in the end, we both believed in a very hands-off approach. . My labor started with a bang and I had a lot of back pain which I wasn't expecting. I had done hypnobirthing classes and was expecting a tranquil, almost painless water birth but it didn't quite turn out that way- the back pain was pretty intense and then when a contraction came on top of that, it was pretty rough. But my husband was applying counter pressure to my back which helped a lot and I spent almost all of my labor on my hands and knees to try to help with the back pain. . I called our midwife after about 6 hours when the contractions picked up to about 5 min apart. When she and her assistant arrived at our home she checked me to see how dilated I was (and only bc I started to say how much pressure I was experiencing- she said she wouldn't have checked me at that point had I not mentioned that!) and I was 9 cm dilated! There were still 6 hours to go before I gave birth and we think it's only because one of our son's shoulders and arms was in kind of a funny position which meant he was probably scraping down my spine with his elbow the whole time (leading to the back pain!) and which may have delayed him in coming out even once I was so dilated. . I labored in our bed, then in the bathroom on the toilet, then in the birthing tub, then back to the bed, then back to the toilet and then back to the bed and after almost 12 hours, our beautiful baby boy was born and I pulled him out of me with my very own hands- as it should be! . When he started to crown, it was very satisfying because at that point the contractions were so productive- like we knew he was closer and closer and closer every time! And actually, maybe an hour before he crowned, I put my own fingers inside and was able to feel his head about 3-4 inches away from coming out- that was amazing!!! I got to touch my baby for the first time!! . It was the most amazing and profound experience of my entire life. I would never do it any other way. I think midwifes and the midwivery philosophy of care should be the norm as it is totally mother/baby/family centered and definitely keeps the mother in a position of empowerment- not like she is some pathological case that needs to be "managed" by modern medicine. My midwife was always there when/if I needed her, but she gave me the autonomy that I wanted as well to direct my own labor. . After the birth, we snuggled with our baby for about an hour and he started nursing within about 5 minutes of being born. We cut the cord after about an hour and then I got up and showered while the midwife did the newborn exam and weighed him. The midwife also cleaned up the bed, put new sheets on, and her assistant made me something to eat and helped take some pictures. It was like having a mother and a sister there with me- they were awesome. . My midwife came back to visit us after 1 day post partum and then after 4 days and then we followed up with her again at 2 weeks and at 6 weeks. She has called me to check up on me in between and I know that any time I have a question, all I have to do is call or email her and she will always help me. . Anyway, I highly recommend using a midwife if you are looking for a more natural birthing experience that leaves you in control of your own body and that totally empowers you. Obviously, it is important to find a midwife whose philosophy is the same as yours but once you find that person, I think you will be very happy with the high quality care you receive as well as the amount of time that person spends with you. . Best luck to all!
story added February 7th, 2011
The week leading up to Noelle’s birth was wonderful. Unlike his usual self, Aaron called me daily from work to check up on me to make sure nothing was happening which was so nice. My Mom arrived in town Saturday, Oct 30th, both in expectation of our new arrival as well as to join Dad on a business trip to San Jose. So Mom and Dad left for San Jose the next day, but both returned on Wednesday (November 3rd). Isaac and I picked Mom up from LAX. There was initially some concern whether I’d be able to pick up mom from the airport. From Wednesday until Friday, Mom spent her days with Isaac and me preparing for his birthday party on Saturday evening. We finished cleaning house, prepared food, went shopping, and got everything ready for the early celebration (since Isaac’s actual birthdate is November 24th). So Saturday went off without a hitch. Family and close friends celebrated Isaac’s second birthday and he enjoyed all the attention.
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On Sunday I spent the day with Isaac and Aaron, I cleaned up a few things from the night before, and rested. That evening we had left-over Spaghetti from the party. Isaac took a shower with me and he went to bed with great ease about 7 o’clock. Aaron jumped in the shower while I cleaned up the few dishes and we sat down to watch a movie (The Box, which we found out later wasn’t good). I was having contractions off and on and we began timing them, but they were fairly consistent with the ones I’d had throughout the third trimester. They were inconsistent (between 10 and 15 minutes apart, lasting about 15 seconds). We didn’t even make it through the previews when I felt a burst and a gush of water while I sat on the sofa (luckily the leather one). My water had broken! I must confess that it may seem strange, but I was really excited. It was finally happening; I was about to embark on my journey, my right of passage into womanhood/motherhood. I also was thinking to myself how lucky I was that Isaac was asleep and I kept hoping that the new baby would be born before he awoke so that I didn’t have to worry about him. I called Candace and she instructed me to continue with my evening and let her know if anything changed. I called my Mom next and she was finishing up the work she and Dad had done at Andrew’s that day. She said she’d head down to Grandma’s house, clean up, pack her things and head over. Her excitement on the phone was unmistakable. Meanwhile, Aaron set up everything that he could; he lined the floors in our bedroom and bathroom, and covered the mattress with plastic. I, on the other hand, excitedly prepared myself by changing my pants, preparing for more water to be released and brushing my teeth. My Dad stopped by to give me a big hug and send his love. Once Aaron and I felt we had done all we could, he called his parents to let them know our munchkin was on the way and we sat down again to try to watch the movie. My contractions, although still very inconsistent, were too distracting to watch anything and my water continued to gush as I moved around. I felt most comfortable on all fours or using the birthing ball on which to rest my chest during the contractions. After awhile I began trembling uncontrollably. My teeth chattered, my limbs shook and I felt a change. I told Aaron that I thought we should let Candace know since this was definitely a new phase. She quickly responded by calling and after chatting with me said she was on her way. I kept trying different positions during the contractions and found that lying down was the most uncomfortable. Since the contractions became more uncomfortable than they were initially, I asked Aaron to put pressure on my low back and it provided a huge relief. Aaron was so attentive to me and happily tried to relieve some of the discomfort when he could. My mom arrived sometime between when Dad left and when Candace arrived, but I only remember seeing her briefly while I labored. I’m so glad she was present. When Candace arrived, she suggested checking how far along my body had progressed and we were pleasantly surprised to find out I was 4 cm dilated and 90% effaced. Being checked was more painful than the contractions themselves, well, the contractions at that time. I had the desire to be in water, but waited until Candace arrived to get in the shower. I really didn’t think I’d like being in water during labor, but oh how I was wrong. The running water over my belly and back felt wonderful. After some time passed, Candace asked if she could check me again to see if there were any changes. I had no idea how much time had passed but it felt like quite awhile. I climbed into bed and again found that lying down during the contractions was so much more painful. Candace told me things were progressing well and that I was 6 cm and 100% effaced. While Candace checked me during a contraction, to my great surprise I found it even more painful than the first time. I was terribly disappointed that even though it felt like a long time had passed, I wasn’t farther along. The sequence of things becomes a little muffled from here until shortly before Noelle’s birth. I remember feeling like I needed to push and that I just couldn’t help but push a little. Then a stretching feeling which scared me a little, but Candace was calm and didn’t show any concern whatsoever. I remember lying in bed during a few contractions, but at this point the intensity of the contractions made even the pressure on my low back irritating. If I’m not mistaken Candace suggested me sitting and leaning against Aaron on the floor, but that didn’t work for me either. Once the pressure on my low back wasn’t effective I remember literally hanging onto Aaron’s neck and shoulders and him holding me up completely. As the intensity continued to increase I began to shut out extraneous things in the environment. I only heard bits and pieces of people talking and shut my eyes. Candace suggested that maybe the tub would allow me to relax a bit more. I thought to myself that I wasn’t sure I could even walk the 10 feet to the tub, but I must have agreed somehow and I did make it. For awhile I leaned my arms against one side of the tub with my head down on them and just focused inward. At some point while in the water Candace gently, but firmly told me I need to change positions before a baby could emerge. I’m not sure how long I was in this position before I began to push; time was such a friend and foe that night. As I lay back in the tub during the breaks between contractions, I thought to myself that the contractions hurt so amazingly, but so does the burning of my skin stretching as I pushed. So despite wanting to just stop the whole process, pushing was the only way to end it. I learned a few nuggets of information while I pushed; first, opening my eyes was a bad idea. I was so enveloped in the pain that even looking at the ceiling added too much for my body to process. And second, I learned that I could barely speak with one word answers to questions, but nodding was manageable. Lucky for me, Candace must have known and didn’t ask me many questions. She encouraged me to reach down and feel the head, which hadn’t quite crowned yet. I thought to myself, “I’m not sure I can, since my arms were holding me up off the bottom of the tub.” I think I initially responded to Candace that I can’t, but after thinking for a minute I just barely got “wait” out, since I did want to feel it. It felt bumpy, which was unexpected, but thankfully it was right there. We were so close. By this time all I could like of were two things, to keep breathing with a relaxed mouth (so I felt like a horse) and with the contractions saying “Ahhhh.” But instead of “ahhh” coming out it ended up a scream. As Noelle began to emerge I grasped hold of Candace’s arm as I pushed. Mom and Betty were in the shower during this time, watching through the glass window. My Mom became my eyes while I pushed Noelle out. She yelled, “I can see the head, I can see the head!” and she followed with “It has dark hair!” It was great for me since I wasn’t exactly fully aware of how much farther we had to go. Candace sat next to me and told me in her sternest mommy voice that it was time to finish and get this baby out and into my arms. With that, I waited for the next contraction and out came our healthy beautiful baby at 1:03am November 8, 2011. Candace quickly pulled her out of the water and placed her upon my chest. I sat in the tub with her, completed exhausted. After a minute or so my mom stepped out of the shower and begged to know, “What is it? A girl or a boy?”
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Noelle and I moved to the bed, after I delivered the placenta while standing over the tub. As I lay there exhausted, nauseas, but full of joy and wonder I said to Aaron, “I don’t think I can do this again.” Of course weeks later now when I’m asked I say, “Well I did it once, I guess I could do it again.” Everyone always says it’s the easiest pain to forget. After resting and relaxing, Mom cut Noelle’s umbilical cord and I cleaned myself up in the shower. Betty dressed Noelle and wrapped her up tight. After things were basically settled, Aaron crawled into bed to get at least a little sleep before morning. Candace stayed for a few hours after Noelle was born and then left us to rest. The next morning Isaac came in with his roommate for the week, Grammy, and she showed him Noelle. His first words about her were, “No, no baby.”
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After the fact I found out some things that were pretty shocking. First, from my water breaking until Noelle was born was only 6 hours and I only pushed for about 20 minutes. I feel so luckily that whole process went so fast and from all the pain came a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
story added February 6th, 2011
Well I guess my 36 week belly shot was my last! I am amazed that my little one is here so soon and 100% positive that Hypnobabies gave me the tools to have the birth I imagined. I was able to remain calm and focused throughout the entire birth even after having to completely change plans last minute and birth at the birthing center instead of home because we were not yet considered “full-term.” Thursday was a completely normal day where I worked from home, took our dog on an hour long hike, bought some baby things for my planned home-birth, did our “Visualize Your Birth” Hypnobabies script and finally sat down to read a magazine and have dinner. Around 9pm my water started leaking. I questioned whether it could be my water for a few minutes and then decided to call our midwife on call. We used an amnicator which had been given to me on Monday to test whether it was amniotic fluid and sure enough it was. Since pressure waves had not started my midwife suggested drinking a glass of wine and trying to get some sleep. Since he was 36 weeks and not quite full term, we would not be able to have the home-birth we had planned. We needed to switch gears and go to the birthing center in the morning if things had not kicked into gear. I was just so grateful that we would still be able to birth out of a hospital. We called our doula, Becky and left a message that my water had broken. Soon after telling my mom that my water had broken I started getting period like lower back sensations. After a little while it occurred to me that this was pressure waves starting up and we got out our Hypnobabies Birth Guide and started up listening to “Birth Day Affirmations” and timing pressure waves with our iphone app. At first they were around 8-10 min apart and then moved to 5-6 min apart lasting around 45 -60 seconds. My doula called back and was coincidentally at another birth where the mother’s water had now been broken for 24 hours and they were trying to get things started at the hospital. She gave us her back-up’s name and number and said she would let her know we would be calling. She said I would probably have my baby before her other client at that point. I labored on my birth ball listening to “Deepening” and “Easy First Stage”. Mark was a fantastic coach, taking my temperature often and reminding me to drink water and writing everything down. He was also rushing around gathering items we might need at the birthing center between pressure waves. We had no bag packed since we weren’t planning leaving and it was so soon. We grabbed a few baby outfits and diapers and our swimsuits. I decided to get in the shower and let the hot water run on my back and belly while I still felt good. I noticed Marks watch said it was midnight and I couldn’t believe how much time had passed and that I wasn’t tired. We had been going to bed around 10 usually. I ran our water heater cold and shaved between pressure waves. I used my “Peace” cue during a wave and leaned against the wall with the water on my back. Mark and our dog stood watch and timed the waves. We chatted and laughed between them as we still couldn’t believe this was happening. We called the midwife again to update her. Soon after the shower the pressure waves were coming between 3 and 4 minutes apart and lasting a minute to a minute and a half. They were more intense at this point and I needed Mark to press on my back and stick with me during the waves. I started to get nauseous and shaky. We called the midwife again and told her how I was feeling and she said she would meet us at the birthing center around 2:40am. Mark started packing the car while I tried to get dressed between waves. I was shaking a lot and felt like I was going to throw up, but never did. Our doula told us later that I was in transition at that time. When Mark was packing the car, I lied on the floor during a wave next to our dog and vocalized with “ahhh”. Once the car was packed, we headed to the birthing center. Luckily there was no traffic and we got mostly green lights. I listened to my Hypnobabies on my ipod the whole way and Mark encouraged me with Hypnobabies cues during waves. I thought I felt pushy while he was driving and was worried we wouldn’t make it. Luckily, these were just the early pushing sensations and not full pushing waves. We got to the center and parked and when I open the car door the cold air outside felt so good on my face as I breathed through a pressure wave. Our back-up doula, Rachel met us outside and helped us up to the center. She put counter pressure on my hips during a pressure wave on our way. That literally erased the discomfort of my hips spreading. Once we got inside, Janna, our midwife checked me and happily informed me that I was 9.75 cm dilated and could push anytime I felt like it. The birthing tub was filling up and Mark and I happily changed into swim clothes and got into the pool. My pressure waves were very manageable and between them I would smile and chat with the midwives and our doula just like the Hypnobabies tracks said I would. I remember telling myself “only pressure” during the waves and using “peace” while my doula and Mark would also say, “peace” and tell me how strong I was during the waves. I felt so calm and safe with everyone there. Once the waves really started feeling like an involuntary pushing sensation, I began to push with them. We changed positions a few times to find the one which produced the best progress. That ended up being Mark sitting on the end of the bed and me squatting between his legs with my arms draped over his knees for support. I had good breaks between waves and would lean on Mark and almost fall asleep waiting for the next urge to push. Once he was crowning, we got back into the tub to deliver. Mark sat behind me and I pushed with all my might during the waves. When his head was almost out they asked me to look down and see him and at first I said “no” because I was just so focused on finishing the task. I just felt the exhaustion at the end of each wave as I was working so hard. I looked forward to each wave because it would help me push, but also knew how much work it was and felt I was getting tired. I looked down and saw him, felt his head and knew I had to push as hard as I could on the next wave and get him out. The rest happened fast and his head came out all the way. The cord was pulled over it from around his neck and the midwives told me to push his body out with the next wave. Becker Bartlett Bishop was born at 5:15am on January 28th. About 7 hours after pressure waves had begun. I felt no pain as he came out or as I was pushing. There was a little stinging as I pushed out his body, but it was over fast and he was born. I pushed for an hour and a half including all of the breaks for rest. It did not seem like a long time and I was comfortable with the speed it was going since I was not in pain. I never felt stressed or rushed. After he had a few minutes with us in the water we moved to the bed to deliver the placenta. I had a few small tears in the front, but none in the perineum so that was great. The placenta came out smoothly and easily. I got a few stitches to ensure faster healing and listened to my relaxation music while deep breathing and remaining in center switch. My doula and Mark whispered to me while this was happening to help keep me comfortable. I was very concerned about needing stitches in such a sensitive place and it was nothing. Piece of cake. Mark and Janna cut Becker’s cord and weighed and measured him. He was 6 lbs even and 18.75 inches long. We practiced breastfeeding and got him dressed. We left the birthing center at 8:30am. It was so weird to leave in the bright daylight after coming in pitch darkness and having no concept of time as it passed.
story added November 4th, 2010
We found out that we were going to have a baby in mid October after trying to concieve for 4 months. We were as prepared as we could be with all our research done and having decided that an out of hospital birth was the safest option for our baby. We wanted a natural birth and we knew that this would be a sensitive time in our lives and we did not want to be pressured by a hosptial with their own standard of procedure. I also felt that if I was gonna do this without drugs, I needed drugs to not even be available. When the time came though, I never wanted them. Maybe I had prepared myself well enough and I had heard the horror stories about how most women ask for them at some point, but that was simply not the case for me. I never even thought about it once in 18 hours of labor. I say this only because as women we have all heard how awful this experience is, how some people even commented that they thought they were gonna die. Awful is just a word I would never use for this empowering experience, but let me go back furthur….
I was so exhilarated to finally be going down a road I had seen so many go, after 14 years as a preschool teacher and director, it was finally my turn to be the mom. Pregnancy was tiring and so full of ups and downs. I did not want to have any interventions if possible, but at 12 weeks, Lorri found a fibroid, I had thought it was our babies head. This meant ultrasounds to watch the growth and position 3 times during the pregnancy. I was also diagnosed with Myontonia Cogenita, a muscle disease that made me even more tired and difficult to walk, this led to some invasive genetic testing including tiny electric shocks and sticking needles in my muscles… Yikes, that was a hard day. Then at 30 weeks gestation, the baby turned breech. I spent the night I found out, crying while lying upside down at a 45 degree angle on our ironing board pretty sure at any moment all that extra weight I was carrying would end up crushing my head. The baby did eventually turn back with the help of many exercises and some great midwifery massage.
In the end, all of these complications had been evaluated and followed by every specialist we could think of and all of them said they were not affecting the baby and I was cleared for an out of hospital birth. Ironically with all these “issues”, the most concern my midwife had was to make sure one of my fibroids (yes, I had several) was not blocking the cervix. Not sure if it was her experience or just plain instinct, but I had no idea how right she would be.
So then the final few weeks approached and I was doing all the natural things that can help with getting labor started, homepathics, chinese herbs, rasberry, drinking lemonade, eating pineapple, eating spicy food, walking, having sex, accupuncture, and then…. It happened or at least we thought it did. I had some severe pains that lasted many hours. We tried to walk, eat, sleep, drink, and shower ( all the things Bradley tells you to do to test if you are in real labor) and they kept coming. Even our midwife thought this was it over the phone. We called the family and then, just as the mother in law boarded her plane to come home from vacation, they stopped. We were so disppointed.
The waiting game then commenced. And when the “due date” ( I think they should be called guess dates) came and went, the midwives prescribed more of the same and they even stripped my membranes TWICE, but nothing worked. You have until 2 weeks after your due date to give birth with the midwives and then your care is transferred to an OB, so 2 days before this time limit was up, y midwives suggessted Castor Oil. I can barely type those words without gagging. We attempted to mask the flavor with two very big root beer floats and lets just say I will not be drinking root beer floats ever again. And, it did not work either… no labor, just vomitting. Ugh…..Horrid.
Lorri suggessted after determining that my cervix was “ripe”, that we rupture the membranes. I was two weeks “overdue” at this point and while they always left the decision to me, I was unsure. I was really worried this would not work to start labor as nothing else had, but my midwife was very sure and I trusted her. We went into the birthing center that morning and I was so nervous, but as soon as I saw Lorri, I calmed down. I remembered that she was the reason I had so much faith in this birth and my body. They broke the bag of waters and all was clear. That was a long day, they sent us home to pump and wait. It was a tough day. Around 3pm, I was in tears thinking I had rushed the baby and that it was not going to work. My husband was so great though, he jumped right in and took my mind off everything assuring me we would be OK. I spoke with Lorri and Angela a few times that day and at one point they found out that my inlaws were at our house with us. They told me they needed to leave. I was nervous to ask them to leave and wasn’t sure I wanted them to go, but my husband again reminded me that we needed to trust our midwives and follow their instruction so he asked his parents to go spend the night close by.
At 8pm that night (just as the inlaws were walking out the door…smart midwife) contractions started, but I had had these mild ones for weeks so I did not get my hopes up. By 10pm, they got much stronger and about 12-20 minutes apart. At midnight, I woke up Josh cause I could not handle them alone anymore. The entire night they got stonger and closer together and progressed exactly like a text book case. I tried to sleep in the beginning between them. That worked for a little while. We went on a walk, took lots of showers, and called Laura Jane (our doula) around 5:30 am to come help us at home. I remember the first thing I said to her was, “this is really hard” (as if she didnt know that). With every contraction, the best way that I could allow them to do their job was to stand and put all my weight on Josh. I tried very hard to focus on not tensing up with the pain and to allow Josh to hold me up.
Around 7:30am, I wanted to go to the birthing center because I felt like I was ready, we called the midwife and she agreed to meet us at 9:15am. That felt like an eternity to me then. The car ride over there was horrid cause I could not stand or deal with them the way I wanted (I think a homebirth next time). We got there and the midwife checked me, I was 7cm plus she said. I remember being satisfied with that ironically.
I got in their birthing tub and in about 2 hours, at 10:55am (not that I had any idea of the time then), I was fully dialated and my body just started pushing. Wow! Pushing! That is the most primitive feeling in the world. Nothing has ever overtaken my body like that . Josh was so supportive. He was talking me through every one, but I told him to just be quiet at one point. I felt like the talking was distracting me from the all important job of pushing. I just had to focus.
At some point, I just felt I needed to stand up and push so I got out of the tub, squatted and pushed. I felt like I was making the most progress here and when the Lorri finally started saying, “yes, yes”. This is when they started noticing the babies heart beat dropping. They said I could not stand, they put me in a few different positions on the bed and the heart rate was fine, but I felt like I could not get any leverage to push him out. I was getting hot and tired and they put me on oxygen. I asked to stand again after a while and they said OK, but his heart rate dropped again. I could see and feel him moving down when I stood, I felt like I could get him out so I was very disappointed to be put back in the other positions even though it was necessary. I was squeezing Laura Jane and Josh’s hand with every push and I had Cheryl, the midwife assistant(the human epidural they call her) and Lorri coaching me through every one.
Apparently there started to be quite a bit of meconium coming out around this time too. The baby was trying to come out sideways also which is the way he sat inside me the last 2 months or so. The midwife tried to reach in and turn him a few times, but it didn’t work and we didn’t know why at the time. I remember seeing one of the other birth assistants face at the time and thinking she looked terrified (not sure how many times she had seen a birth), but I remember feeling very calm inside, not a bit worried, just tired and wanting the baby out.
After 2 hours of pushing with heartrates dropping and meconium coming out with a baby that appearred to be stuck, Lorri said, lets go to the hospital. I was so ready thinking they would “take him out”.
They put me in the car and told me not to push, that was the hardest thing I think I had done so far to try to stop something that was so instinctual. Its akin to telling someone with the violent flu not to vomit anymore.
When we got to the hospital, there was like 12 doctors, nurses, and midwives waiting for us. They hooked me to IV’s and I thought, here comes the medicated birth I didn’t want, but was just so wanting him to be out. They just gave me saline though and told me I had to push him out, no epidural or c-section was possible because he was crowning. Thank Goodness!
I remember thinking at that moment that I was going to kill him. I had very sad visions flash in my head. The OB said to me that she was going to help me 1% with the vacuum, but that he had to come out now and I had to push him out. I was crying and so not sure I could do it, but I pushed as hard as I could and with the vacuum and an episiotomy, and only 45 minutes in the hospital, our little BOY came out at 2:10pm on Friday, July 17th.
Even though he was wisked right away to the pediatricians in the room, he cried immediately and got an apgar score of 8.5. Josh held him skin to skin pretty quickly after that and he came to me pretty soon too and nursed.
It took an hour and a half for the placenta to ease its way out cause it was stuck on my fibroids which we later found out the baby was too.
So there you go, and unmedicated birth with some interventions that I of course did not want, but seemed necessary at the time and I am glad the hospital was there for us when it needed to be. I am glad I did all my laboring at home and the birth center. I, of course, am sad I scared my family, but I never felt unsafe or like we were not in the best hands. I knew if anything like this happened, Lorri, our midwife, was so experienced and able to handle it and I have even more respect and admiration for her now than I did before. I think I even said immediately after Elijah was born, “Lorri, I love you!” Poor Josh 
.
story added November 1st, 2010
My Birth Story 2010
After the birth of my daughter in 2004 did not turn out at all had I had naively thought it would, I was determined to have a different outcome when I became pregnant again five years later. Not wanting to repeat the same mistakes the second time around, I armed myself with all the information I could get my hands on and read everything I could find about VBAC and natural birthing methods. I truly became aware of what was happening in my body. Never before had I felt so connected to myself and my unborn baby. Wanting to put all the odds in my favor I hired a midwife that would see me throughout my pregnancy and be there as a doula during my birthing time (labor). My midwife was wonderful and helped me connect to my pregnancy and unborn child more than I ever thought possible. I also took a HypnoBabies class with my husband and found that extremely helpful, informative and comforting. I would religiously listen to my hypno tracks every night, and wake up confident that I was going to get the birth I wanted this time.
When the pregnancy was new, I had a determination that I would have a natural vaginal birth come hell or high water! However, as it progressed I realized that there are some things that are out of my hands. All anyone can do is prepare for what they want as much as they can, and accept what the universe has in store for them. I would have talks with my son in utero and explain to him how I wanted him to come into the world. I tried to paint a beautiful picture so he would know what to expect and choose to want that for his reality. As my pregnancy neared the end, I became aware that I was not going to get the birth I had always wanted and had been dreaming of for so long. My son had chosen to be born by cesarean. I was not as devastated this time around as was the case with my first, nor did I feel the same sense of failure in my body. This time I had time to process the information and deal with my disappointment prior to the birth of a child, instead of after. Big difference!
As I prepared for my second c-section I channeled my determination for a natural birth, into a c-section with respect. I realized that that was the thing that was missing most in my first birth. I felt violated and completely out of control. This time I had time to remember what I hated most about my first birth and created a C-section Birth Wishes. I didn’t schedule my c-section, but rather let my son choose his birthday. Friday night, four days before my due date, my waves started. We waited at home until early Saturday morning when it was clear that these were not practice waves, but the real deal. By 4:30 in the morning we were on our way to the hospital. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about having surgery again. I was so thankful for the HypnoBabies techniques that I learned during my pregnancy! They helped me stay so calm and focused through the couple hours spent waiting for an operating room to open up. I was still holding out a tiny bit of hope for a vaginal birth at this point, however once I was there for a couple hours and they checked me I was barely 1 centimeter and my son had not dropped at all I came to terms with the reality of the situation.
Once in the operating room, I was determined to not freak out like I did with my daughter. I continued to listen to my iPod and relax. They had a difficult time getting the spinal into the right spot, and once they got it in Gavin’s heart rate dropped dangerously low. By the time my husband was coming into the operating room, there were NICU nurses running in after him in preparation for a problem. I was aware of the urgency, but not aware of how serious it was. They got my little guy out very quickly, and on his way out he swallowed/inhaled some meconium. The NICU nurses spent some time suctioning out his nose and lungs and determined that they should keep him to observe him since he was having difficulty breathing. Thankfully, the nurse brought him down to me so I could see him, touch him, snuggle and smell him before they took my perfect little boy away. Those few precious moments with my son kept me going until I could hold him again.
After the c-section, I was sent to a recovery room for about an hour. When they had a room ready for me I was transferred to the postpartum ward, but not before a stop at the NICU to see my beautiful son! I will never forget the way he looked so big and content in that incubator. It killed me to not be able to hold him, but I was very thankful to be able to see and touch him. I spent the rest of the day in my room recovering and regaining my strength. Almost twelve hours after his birth, they brought my son to me. Oh the feeling of holding him in my arms for the first time is something I will never forget! I held him for the better part of the night and just stared at the newest love of my life. Thinking back on his birth I feel content. Was it the birth I had always dreamed of? No. However I do feel it was one on our terms, and I’m ok with that!
story added October 28th, 2010
As labor began on the evening of Sept 24th I meditated on having calmness through the labor and birth, and to come through it without injury to the baby and myself, and especially to be able to relax deeply. I thought of many birth stories I had read and how women had endured the same experience for such joy at the end. I talked to the baby about how we were going to do this together, how we were doing it at that very moment, and how fun and joyful this was going to be at the end. During labor I thought about how I didn’t like what I was feeling, but I knew it was going to be short and I tried to envision the end and how good that would be and how close it was. The contrations were painful at their peaks, but in such a controlled way I really couldn’t complain about what I was feeling. I was given such a great power to go limp and still and be in control. It was like I was paralyzed, but in a good way. At first before my midwife arrived I was kneeling next to my bed with my arms on a pillow on my bed. Then I sat back on my feet. Then I sat all the way down on the floor like I was just hanging out. It was a strange position to be in but it felt good to be completely still and unmoving. I stared off at the wall a lot and felt extremely spaced out. It felt good to not be writhing or moving or doing anything but being present. Near the end I felt my body tensing a bit against the pain unwillingly, but that was the worst it got. I would be so still and limp up to the peak of the contraction and then a wave of nausea would come over me and I had to pick my head up and loll it around a bit to get through the peak and coming down and then the absence of feeling and pain was such a nice reprieve. I enjoyed every second of it between contractions.
But…back to how it started. Earlier in the day I had started having contrations. They were much more intense than I had had in previous weeks and days. They were the type where you have to stop what you’re doing, close your eyes, and breathe through without talking. Jed went to the store mid-day and I thought for sure I would be having a baby in a couple hours. He came home and things dropped off. My contractions got sporadic with shorter peaks and I couldn’t believe labor was dying out. At 4pm I told Jed he better just go to work, thinking that if he stayed home waiting for labor, it definitely wouldn’t happen.
I took the kids to Target around 5pm and didn’t feel much, but after we came home and I started dinner, contractions were picking up. I tried to feed the kids and get them in bed as fast as possible. This was around 7:30pm and I was having to break often to work through a contraction. I remember leaning against the bunkbeds in my own dark, silent place, while the kids continued flitting around the room, getting ready for bed. Around then I started having bad back pain. I knew the baby had been in the posterior position for a couple months and suddenly a light went on. I was having such hard, sporadic labor with short peaks because of baby’s position. I had read about 30-hour painful posterior labors and I was a little worried as things continued to hurt, but not progress (so I thought).
After I put the kids to bed I went in my room to relax and watch tv. At 9:45 pm I was frustrated with the sensations and short contractions so I called my midwife, Marla, and told her what I was experiencing. She said that I would have to have much harder labor to get things rolling. She said she would shower, pack her car, and be over in an hour to “check me”. She didn’t sound too concerned or too convinced I was in labor. Maybe I really wasn’t in labor at that point, but as soon as I got off the phone with her the baby turned anterior and we were off. The contractions were suddenly close, long, and hard. I never timed them but I would guess they were 2-3 minutes apart and growing in intensity. It felt like de ja vu from Rowan’s birth. I was alone and knew the baby was coming soon.
I hauled the birthing tub out of the bathroom and into our bedroom by the windows. It was already filled with air. I struggled to get the plastic liner onto the tub. Everytime I got one side on the other side would pop off. It was frustrating and comical! Then I hooked up the hose to our bathtub and strung the 50 ft hose down the bathroom corridor, into our bedroom, and across to the tub where I turned on the hot water full blast. The trick to filling up a birthing tub with warm enough water is to start with the hot water and let it gradually get cooler. As it filled I mostly sat on the birthing ball or kneeled with my arms and head on a pillow on the bed. Finally the tub was filled and it was HOT! I let some more cool water run into it and then I decided to get in and see how good it felt. It felt good but I was too hot after 5 minutes and got back out. By this time it had been an hour since Marla had said she’d be in over in an hour. I was tempted to call her since she had said to call back if I needed her sooner, but I felt she would be there soon and I could wait. Labor was full blown but I was extremely relaxed, not scared or worried about being alone, and feeling very much in control and happy that we were in full swing. I had called Jed about 45 minutes prior to this time and knew he was on his way home from down by the border. He was going to call when he got close to home and see if he had time to go to the station to exchange his truck for his car and turn in his M-4 to the armory.
My midwife arrived at 11pm. I was in a trance, spaced out and looking at the wall, sitting on the floor in a weird position. Later she told me she knew instantly I was about to have a baby when she saw me like that. I got on the bed so she could check me and she gave that little laugh that all 3 of my midwives have given me at this point in arriving and checking me. “You’re complete with a bulging bag of water”. I said, “Yeah, it feels like it”. She hopped up, went into the bathroom, and I heard her make 3 phone calls, to each assistant midwife, with the same message. Come now if you want to witness this birth! I was still on the bed and had no inclination to move. I turned on my side and grabbed my favorite pillow and relaxed into it with my head and arms.
Suddenly Jed was breezing through the room, in full uniform with 2 guns strapped to him. Sometime previous to this he had called and I had told him to come straight home. I couldn’t speak much but I was extremely still and relaxed and couldn’t really move. At the peak of each contraction the nausea was the worst part. Marla felt the tub water and asked Jed to put more cold water in. Then she asked if I wanted to get in the tub. I didn’t really want to move but I thought I should so I got in and asked if she was going to break my water. That was literally the only sentence I got out the entire time and I remember that it took a ton of effort to even say that. My other two midwifes who attended my previous homebirths had broken my water at this point and the baby had come right out afterward. I thought that sounded better than to keep laboring for who knows how long!
Marla, in the quietest, sweetest voice, said it was better to let it break on its own or to have the baby be born in the caul. She said it was good luck. I couldn’t respond but just hoped my water would break soon and this would be over. I never felt like, “I can’t do this”, or “I wish I had pain meds”, but I did wish for speed at the end — as though it wasn’t already going fast! I knew I was lucky with how fast I had progressed and how I was able to handle the contractions.
While in the tub, I was kneeling with my arms/chest over the side, and just totally limp and relaxed. When the other 3 midwives arrived they started dumping water OUT of the birth tub with pots. The water level had risen to the very top after Jed had put more cool water in. I couldn’t really speak but I was able to smile and say hello to them in between contractions. I remember thinking, “Wow, Donna cut her hair”. “I’ve never seen Arielle in pants. Those look cute on her”. It was a drug-less birth but I definitely felt like I was on something. Because I was being sooo silent, everyone else was extremely quiet too. I had an Enya radio station streaming and it played a lot of celtic music that was pretty cool and relaxing.
After I had been in the tub for 5-10 minutes Marla asked if I felt any urge to push. I didn’t really, but she said to just give it a try with the next contraction. I’m sure she said this because the baby had been extremely low 30 minutes ago and she figured the baby was close to crowning. I gave a weak push with the next contraction and didn’t really like how it felt. Marla told me to push harder the next time and it would feel good. I did and my water broke. I heard and felt the pop in the water and quickly muttered that it had broken. The flashlights came on and they checked for clear fluids which they found. I suppose it was dark-ish in the room though I don’t remember the lighting. Next I decided to go for it. I was uncomfortable and ready for baby to come out. I pushed hard-ish and surprising it felt good! I kept pushing and pretty soon I felt that head coming out which broke my silence with a quick low moan and then shriek. I heard the others say “The head is out” and while I had been on my knees with my back to everyone, I suddenly turned around to face all 4 ladies, heard my midwife tell me to catch my baby, and while having an intense feeling of wanting the baby out NOW, I pushed the rest of the body out quickly and caught the baby. I suppose delivery all took place on my knees as with my other two natural births. I then sat back and said, “You made it!”to the baby just as the baby started to cry and turn pink. (This was probably my first birth where I didn’t feel phased at all. I was totally present and energetic right after the baby emerged). I took one big breath and exhale and then said, “Let’s find out what you are.” One quick peek between the legs and I announced, “It’s a boy” and then looked at Jed, “4 boys!” I’m pretty sure Jed just sat in the rocking chair by the birthing tub the whole time. He is pretty relaxed and laid back at these births. I do remember holding his hand through a few contractions at the end, but that was it for our interaction. I always feel very comforted by his presence in the room, but I really prefer to be alone and “within myself” during a birth.
The midwifes chuckled and said, “What did you need us here for?” and they had a hard time recording the times of pushing, crowning, and birth since it had all happened in about 10 seconds. He was born at 11:39pm so I’d estimate that active labor from beginning to birth was a little over an hour and a half. The third stage of labor went very smoothly with no complications. Cash was a bit cyanotic a couple hours after birth which means he had some blue-ish coloring around his mouth and had some chest retractions. His lungs sounded a bit crackly with a stethoscope and Marla said he seemed overly sensitive to cold and that he had not cleared his lungs at birth. This is common with really calm waterbirths because the baby doesn’t cry much. I guess there is something to all that harsh srubbing they do to newborns in the hospital. We decided to proceed calmly and put Cash skin-to-skin with me which caused it to clear up within a few hours. I was so glad it resolved itself and was sick to think of taking him into the hospital or what they would have done to him had he been born in a hospital. When Cash saw his pediatrician later on the doc said it was simply that he hadn’t cleared his lungs enough at birth and that it wasn’t anything to be worried about. (Sometimes cynosis of an infant can indicate a heart of pulmonary condition.)
So, birth #5 was probably my best and most favorite experience, though I’m sure I said that about all of them at the time. It was a great compliment to hear later from my midwives that they had never seen a birth like mine. They couldn’t believe how relaxed and “zen-like” I had been through it all. Marla told me over and over in the days after, “You are an amazing birther!”.
I believe deeply in a woman’s right to choose how and where to give birth, with whatever doctor or attendant they want and with whatever pain meds or interventions they deem necessary. But for me, having my 3rd homebirth really solidified my opinions on not only natural childbirth, but of the peace, safety, and sanctity of brining a baby into this world at home where unneccessary procedures and protocol have no place. I believe that it is crucial for the mother to be able to move during labor, helping the baby into the best position, easing the baby through the pelvis, and instinctively getting her body into the ideal position for birth. Allowing baby’s first touch to be by mom and/or dad, not cutting the cord for a bit, not allowing STD eyedrops to be applied, keeping baby skin-to-skin and nursing immediately and ongoing, not washing baby with soap immediately (that creamy vernix is the best lotion!), and not moving mom and baby for at least a few days from their home environment, are cemeted into my being as the most important things at and after birth. Not to mention that the midwifes who attended me are amazing women and I wish more birthing moms could feel that close bond, love, and support from women who have been there. All the feel-good endorphins you get after a natural birth get you through sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and stress in the weeks after the birth with flying colors. I think that’s why after I have a new baby I always think I want at least a few more.
story added October 28th, 2010
It was 12:30 on March 8th, the one day I knew Apollo wouldn’t be coming since it was his due date and no babies are actually born on their due date! Steve and I were trying to decide what we were going to do with our lazy Sunday; Steve just got off the phone with his Uncle Steve, who told him that he saw something on National Geographic about a tribe of women who just start pushing down on a pregnant woman’s belly to get things going. I told him we would not be trying that, instead he gave me a great big hug. During the hug I felt like I wet myself… after standing there for a second I told Steve what I felt and went to the bathroom. When I first sat down I heard something drain into the toilet, but when I waited for more and gently pushed, nothing more came out. So, I got on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor and did some pelvic rocking, hoping it would encourage a little more drainage, but nothing happened. I told Steve I was going to lay down for 10 minutes and then when I get up, there would be more water, so we would know it was for sure my bag of water that broke. After 10 minutes of anxiously lying down, I got up and felt nothing, so Steve and I got ready to take a walk. On the way out the door, I had a gush of fluid come out and I had no doubt anymore that my bag of water had broken.
I had a huge rush of excitement; I had secretly been asking that everything started with my bag of water breaking, so that way I would really know things were going to happen.
Steve and I decided to go for a walk still, it was at that time that I felt everything between us deepened a bit… even though we had been on the path to parenthood for the past nine months, this was really it; we were going to work together to bring our child into the world now, its something that I can’t really put into words, but I knew we were reaching a new level in our relationship, a very spiritual level and I couldn’t wait for what was in store.
During our walk, I was starting to gush fluid, so I told Steve I wanted to go back home. We decided to watch a movie, since contractions hadn’t started and we wanted to stay distracted. I alerted my sister that our little man would be coming sometime soon and she notified friends and family for me, so I wouldn’t have to worry about people hounding me. Steve and I spent the rest of the afternoon and evening together in quiet excitement, knowing that finally we were going to meet this little man who was going to change our lives forever.
Ella came back from her Dads house around 8, I was so happy she was there, my family was all together now. She was so excited that she was going to meet her brother soon, she could hardly contain herself. We watched Madagascar 2 together and then took a nice walk outside; it was such a beautiful evening, with a slight chill in the air and the feeling that big things were coming soon!
Around 9pm Jen (my sister) and Amanda (my niece) came over to spend the night, and later my mom came up from San Diego. Steve and I went to sleep around 10, I was admittedly a little disappointed nothing had happened yet. I remained positive though, thankful that I would get some sleep before everything got going at least. We went to sleep listening to my Hypnobabies CD, relaxing me and putting me to sleep quickly.
I woke around 6:30 in the morning on March 9th, the first thing I said to myself was, “I can’t believe I’m still pregnant!” Sue, my midwife had told me to call her in the morning if I was still pregnant, but I didn’t want to bother her yet, so I went out into the living room (leaving Steve and Ella snoring away in the bedroom) and woke my sister. We chatted a little bit, but my sister was pretty tired, so I let her be for a while. I waited until 7 and called Sue. She gave me my choices (hospital, wait and do nothing, or try to get things stimulated), I chose to stimulate things. First thing Sue told me to do was get a nice big breakfast in me, then start alternating between blue and black cohosh tinctures every hour. So I woke everyone up and we went to Mothers market to get the tinctures and then had a great breakfast at IHOP.
While at IHOP I noticed my contractions coming every 15 minutes or so. They weren’t too strong, I was able to talk through them no problem. I was really excited that my body was starting to get going on its own. Once home I did start the blue and black cohosh and just hung out with my family.
We all took a little walk down the street, it was so nice to be outside, feeling the ocean air on my face and having those I love with me, supporting me. This was the perfect day to bring my baby out to meet the world.
My Mom and Sister went and got some lunch for us around 1:30. My contractions were still coming every 10 minutes or so and not very strong. At 2 I was to start a castor oil smoothie, if things weren’t getting more intense, so we started making that after lunch was over.
Times and events are a bit blurry for me after this point, but I know my Midwives, Sue and Lindsey told me they were on their way to the hospital because another client of theirs had a retained placenta. I was fine with them being busy, I didn’t feel like anything was going to happen soon anyway.
I was about 3-4 sips into my castor oil smoothie and my contractions were about 5 minutes apart. Lindsey called and told me to stop drinking it, because they didn’t want me to go to fast and not have them there. They let me know that they called a back up Midwife (another Sue!) and she would be there in a bit.
One of my best images of my birthing is when I was in the backyard with Steve, Ella, Jen, Amanda, my mom and Sarah (my friend). We were all just enjoying the beautiful weather, every time I got a contraction, I would use my peace cue (from Hypnobabies) and rest on the table or on Steve. Many times, I would feel hands on my back or shoulder, hands of my loved ones, giving me their strength through every contraction. I loved this part of my labor.
I came inside after a while, my contractions were much closer now, probably about 2-3 minutes apart. I wanted my friend Casandra there, because she’s assisted at many births and I knew if Apollo decided to come soon, she could at least help. After only being inside for about 10 minutes, Casandra and Lily (photographer) were there, I was very relieved. At that point, I think my body relaxed a little more and things got noticeably stronger.
Not long after that, Sue, the backup midwife got there. She immediately listened to Apollos heartbeat, that was the best sound to me. Once she was there and I heard my little man, I totally let go and let my body totally take over.
Things got intense FAST!
They soon filled up the birth pool and I got in. Steve got in with me and I remember how protected I felt when I sat back on him and felt like I just curled my entire body into him. He held me, protected me and loved me. He put my headphones on me and I listened to my birth guide script. This really focused me so much and I was glad he thought to use this now. Ella, Casandra and perhaps others (I never had my eyes open) were wiping me down with washcloths and it felt excellent. I was surrounded in love.
Soon, my midwives Sue and Lindsey arrived. I remember looking over at them and smiling, again, relieved that they were there. It wasn’t long after that that I started to wonder if I could take much more of the intensity, I doubted myself. Sue checked me and said I was 4cm, this was unbelievable to me, I knew I had to be further, but I wasn’t! I know it was soon after this I started vomiting with so much force it just shook my whole body. After discussing this with my midwife later I realized that this was helping my body fully dilate. My sister said she saw blood coming out each time (a sign I was dilating), so my body was just helping push things along for me. How amazing our bodies are! I was giving up on myself mentally, but my body was pushing along, dilating and effacing me quickly. Now I have learned that trust is essential, I know now to trust my body completely, it always knew what to do and how to do it.
Since I was losing my mental strength, Sue suggested Steve and I be alone. So we went into our bedroom. I found it very hard to get comfortable in there and was just on my knees with my face on the bed. As I got weaker mentally, Steve got stronger. He somehow knew all the right things to say, he got me through the hardest parts with just his words.
I have no idea who suggested it, but Steve and I were in the shower next. I honestly hated this, position-wise, I wanted to be on my hands and knees or closer to the ground, instead I was standing and leaning in the shower. This was my favorite part overall between Steve and I. Steve told me things while in the shower that I will keep with me forever, just thinking of the things he said now makes me want to cry. I fell in love with him a million times over in that moment. Even though I was saying I couldn’t do it, at that point, I knew I wanted to do it and that I could do it, because of him.
When we got out of the shower, Steve encouraged me into the pool again, but I said no. I wanted to go back into the room, I have no clue why I chose this, but it was where my spirit pulled me. While in the room, on my hands and knees, I kept thinking that since the shower, I felt Apollo moving down. I wondered if I should push with this feeling. So, I tried it. I instantly wanted to get on the ground, so I remember looking down and seeing Tenaya, our dog, and just thinking, oh well! I plopped myself on the ground next to her and pushed. Sue was asking if I was pushing, but she didn’t need an answer, she knew I was and quickly yelled out to the living room for the other midwife to get the birth supplies. Steve told me he remembered looking down and seeing Apollos head!
I really loved pushing, I wish I would have done it sooner, when I had felt him moving down. This was for sure my favorite part. I know I pushed a couple times and yelled (Ella said that scared her!) but it felt really good to be vocal. After just a few pushes he was out, born into his Daddy’s (and the midwife’s) hands! I couldn’t believe it!!! He was wrapped up awkwardly in his cord, so it took a minute before I saw him. He was brought up to my chest and I was overcome with emotion. I knew Ella was up at my head and soon Steve was too, Apollo was in my arms and I was, at that very moment, 100% complete.
Everyone had flooded into the room when they heard me pushing, so the room was filled with so much love when he entered it. I am so thankful for this. There were no cold, “sterile” rooms, no nurses or doctors to take him to the warming table; instead there was a room filled with happiness and love, our son was never taken from our arms.
Fast forward about 4 hours, the house was cleared of all our guests; Steve, Ella, Apollo and I were all laying in bed together. I looked at my family and tears came to my eyes, this is what it feels like to be complete, to feel whole…
Apollos stats:
Born: 3/09/2009 at 7pm
7lbs10oz
21 in long
story added October 28th, 2010
This is the birth story of my son, he was brought into the world in the comfort of his own home in the room that he will grow up in and in the water. It all started on the peaceful starry Saturday morning, 12:30am to be exact. During this time, little did I know what was going on. I didn’t get to sleep much, but that was okay, I woke up feeling rested and excited. Birthing waves came anywhere from 30, 15, to 5 minutes apart. They came very inconsistently. To help things we went for a walk. We walked through our complex where there are streams and the sound of running water. Anytime I felt a pressure wave come I grabbed onto my partner and rocked back and forth until it subsided. All the while I kept repeating the word peace in my head and listening to the running water. The birthing waves came like this for quite some time, (by this time we figured things were really happening), we called the midwife around 4ish Saturday afternoon only to find out that she thought that I needed my rest, so off to bed I went. Finally around 7pm the birthing waves became more frequent and more intense. So intense that I wouldn’t let my partner leave me at all, she was attached to my back. To make a long story short our midwife showed up Sunday morning around 1am. After being checked I was almost 7 cm dilated and completely effaced. The birthing tub was my friend by this time and I never wanted to leave, unfortunately in order for things to continue progressing I needed to move around. I was taken to the shower and finally took a walk around the house. A few hours later my body decided that it wanted to push so I let it, WHAT A RELIEF!!! This went on for a while until my midwife decided to tell me that it was about time that I actually help my body push, for YAY, finally we’re almost there.
By the way, this whole entire time I was under hypnosis, so what many may construe as pain, I saw it as intense pressure and I actually enjoyed it. Every so often after a pressure wave, I would reach down and could actually feel my son’s head! That was the coolest thing in the world. It was so soft and fuzzy. I wasn’t afraid as I’ve seen some women in videos be. I kept feeling his head knowing that soon he would be joining us in this big bad world!
By 7 he was starting to crown and finally 20 minutes later his head was out! My partner was behind me as I was on my hands and knees in the water, and she was doing a great job calling out the play by play as my family watched quietly, which I was completely unaware of. (This hypnobabies stuff really works!) 1 minute later out came sliding our son, my partner was able to catch him with the help of the midwife and he was passed under to me as in a football hold, but I was so tired and out of it that he got to go swimming for a second before I caught him. I tried pulling him up to me as I tried to sit up at the same time, but his cord somehow in the transition got wrapped around his neck. Finally off of his neck we laid there and looked at him as he gasped for his first breath of air. Finally he was here and we all cried and laughed and were in awe of this beautiful baby boy!
Born into this world at 7:21am, weighing in at 9lbs 6oz, measuring 22 inches long without a tear or episiotomy. Baby Z was birthed naturally without any drugs out of my medium sized 5’3″ frame. I did a good job, but I couldn’t have done it without the help of my darling strong partner and wife, oh and the hypnosis. This is my story as I remember it.
